July is one of the most exciting months in America. This month starts with bright bursts of colors in the sky, family and community get-togethers, cookouts and enough loud pops and crackles to ensure that every neighborhood dog and veteran write a formal complaint to post on the community watch page and to personally deliver to the neighborhood HOA president. This month is most associated with freedom, independence and celebration; however, we are also presented with the opportunity to think about other forms of freedom, such as emotional well-being.
I have personally observed, and well, personally experienced mixed emotions entering July. There is so much to be excited about, such as family events, daylight saving time and vacations. On the other side of things, there can often be pressure to feel or appear happy because of the celebration season. Pressure to shelve real, heavy or uncomfortable feelings can be common during any season of celebration. But minimizing these feelings does nothing for our healing and is never beneficial to our overall health and nervous system. Yes, we can absolutely choose our attitude, but it is important to acknowledge our feelings, validate them, then choose what to focus our minds on and then choose our attitude following that; choose joy. Mental health, among other things, doesn’t always follow our calendar or plans. Anxiety: she is rude and couldn’t care less about checking the weather forecast before making her grand entrance. And depression? He doesn’t take a vacation over the summer, just because we decide to plan one during that timeframe.
So, what do we do with this? Emotional flexibility is an extremely important concept in mental health and refers to our ability to experience various emotions without judging and ragging on ourselves for experiencing them. In July, independence is widely celebrated; however, there’s so many people who struggle with the idea that they should be emotionally self-sufficient all the time or “independent.” When we break it all the way down, however, our mental health and overall well-being are strengthened when we connect and share with others rather than isolating and navigating heavy or uncomfortable feelings alone, independently. We weren’t created to do life alone. We are naturally made for community, whether that is large or small, no one was made for isolation or to face life’s challenges alone.
Although we weren’t made to do life alone and are made for community, social events can be exhausting. For many people Fourth of July events aren’t invigorating or exciting at all. Actually, these events can feel like competing in an Olympic event of small talk. Over socialization is only problematic if you continually push past your personal social interaction limits. That means you’re ignoring your boundaries and personal needs. Acknowledging personal social needs and limits and when your social battery is low shows healthy self-awareness. Allowing ourselves to take a break at a social event or leaving early is not snooty or stuck up or antisocial behavior, those actions are regulating your emotions in the moment and are important to do in order to sustain a regulated nervous system! Emotional regulation is our cognitive ability to respond and manage our feelings, and nervous system regulation is the physiological state which dictates our ability to process the emotions. Regulating both are important and can be done when we are self-aware and are respectful of our personal boundaries and needs!
Early in this article I mentioned veterans and dogs being disturbed by the loud noises that usually accompany fireworks. Fireworks are enjoyable for so many; however, for a selected group of individuals, they can be triggering. There is research that indicates loud and unexpected noises can activate the body’s stress response system in vulnerable people. So, what do we do with this? Not shoot our fireworks? What we do is show consideration and shoot our fireworks in designated areas. This shows respect and observance to not only the law, but to those that may not enjoy celebrating with firecrackers. For those who have post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms and are sometimes triggered from loud unexpected noises, recognizing that your reaction to the sounds is physiological may minimize unnecessary shame and could provide the opportunity to implement effective coping strategies. While we can’t fully control physiological responses like heart rate, we can actively influence them by acknowledging our mental state and immediately implementing coping strategies, such as focusing on our breathing and taking deep, slow breaths. This not only naturally slows our heat rate, but it also regulates our nervous system. Acknowledge that your reaction is a physiological one, not a personal weakness.
July brings many opportunities to improve mental health. We have an increased ability to be in the sun which can positively impact our energy levels and mood. Also, outside activities encourage movement, reduce stress and provide opportunities to be social and make connections in big or small crowds. We can even sit on the porch, walk in the park or watch the sunrise or set—alone or with someone and all can benefit our emotional restoration.
Freedom moves past any national celebration. Psychological freedom includes our ability seek support if needed, whether from a friend, group or professional; to honestly acknowledge emotions; set good boundaries; and the ability to practice self-compassion. This shows resilience, not weakness! When the fireworks light up the sky all this month, consider taking a minute to check in on your own emotional landscape and remember that mental health isn’t measured by continually being perky or happy; it’s measured by our ability to face our experiences with care, flexibility and awareness. That’s not as flashy as a fireworks display; however, from a therapist’s point of view, it is far more sustainable.
Remember if you or someone you know needs mental health assistance of any kind, please feel free to reach out to your local community mental health agency or call or text 988, the suicide and crisis lifeline or call 911 for immediate emergencies.
Take care of yourselves, and each other …
~Relo Adams, Mr. Ponca City